The Quotes List Page
The list is as follows at the moment...
"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining" - Groucho Marx
"The mere presence of moisture in the air is not sufficient to overturn society's normally sensible taboo against wielding spiked clubs at eye level" - China Mieville
"Now there sits a man with an open mind. You can feel the draft from here" - Groucho Marx
"Frag the weak, hurdle the dead"
"How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?" - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"We're a web nothing! Baby seals get more hits!" - BOFH
"Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender" - W.C. Fields
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect" - Mark Twain
"A witty saying proves nothing" - Voltaire
"Lead, follow, or get out of the way"
"[American] football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings" - George Will
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read" - Groucho Marx
"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it" - W.C. Fields
"He who can - does. He who cannot - teaches. He who cannot do or teach - would this person please contact the Government immediately. We have a job for you." - Steve Cross
"Specialisation is for insects!" - Robert Heinlein
"Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur"
"I am Dyslexic of Borg. Your ass will be laminated"
"Goodbye cruel circus, I'm off to join the world..."
"Floppity floppity flip / The mouse on the mobius strip / The strip revolved/ The mouse dissolved / In a chronodimensional skip"
"Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control"
"Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface"
"Only dead dogs go with the flow"
"MBA's: Can't live with 'em. Can't legally torture them to death."
"You can never have too many elephants on your team"
"It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire." - Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
"A little ego goes nowhere" - Garfield
"How do you stop your solo? Take the damn trumpet out of your mouth!"
"Prais'd be the fathomless universe, for life and joy, and for objects and knowledge curious." - Walt Whitman
"Condensing knowledge from the vapour of nuance."
"Education enables a man to get along without the use of his intelligence" - Albert Wiggam
"Intelligence, it might be said, has caused our troubles; but it is not unintelligence that will cure them. Only more and wiser intelligence can make a happier world" - Bertrand Russell
"A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience" - Miguel de Cervantes
"The trouble with being tolerant is that most people think that you don't understand the problem" - Merle Meacham
"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"Murphy was an optimist." - O'Toole's commentary on Murphy's law
"Originality and strangeness are good, blind conformity and stupidity are unforgivable." - the 'Unwritten' Geek credo
"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." - George Bernard Shaw
"Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member." - Groucho Marx
"Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences." - Isadora Duncan
"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
"If you really want to be lonely, get married." - Gloria Steinem
"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." - Florynce R. Kennedy
"If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion." - George Bernard Shaw
"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." - Chinese Proverb
"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."
"Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to." - Mark Twain
"Be careful while reading health books, you might die of a misprint." - Mark Twain
"We do not inherit this toliet, we borrow it from our children" - found on a toliet wall done by an anonymous student humourist
"We do not inherit the land, we borrow it from our children." - Native American Proverb
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw
"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - T.S. Eliot
"Humanity looks to me like a magnificent beginning but not the final word." - Freeman Dyson
"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holster and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub." - George Bernard Shaw
"A million zeros joined together do not, unfortunately, add up to one" - Carl Jung
"I do not object to people looking at their watches when I am speaking. But I strongly object when they start shaking them to make certain they are still going." - Lord Birkett
"I hate 'Humanity' and all such abstracts: but I love people. Lovers of 'Humanity' generally hate people and children, and keep parrots or puppy dogs." - Roy Campbell
"Most of the change we think we see in life, is due to truths being in and out of favour." - Robert Frost
"The best thing we can do is to make wherever we're lost in look as much like home as we can." - Christopher Fry
"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings." - Ed Gardner
"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is a part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." - Hermann Hesse
"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. Originality is deliberate and forced, and partakes the nature of a protest." - Eric Hoffer
"Cowardice, as distinguished from panic, is almost always a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination." - Ernest Hemingway
"You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men." - Sir Max Beerbohm
"A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns." - Mario Puzo
"Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal." - T. S. Eliot
"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education." - Mark Twain
"Architecture is the art of how to waste space." - Philip Johnson
"Was it a millionaire who said 'Imagine no possessions'?" - Elvis Costello
"If you're not confused, you're misinformed"
"Tao fa tsu-jan." - Lao-tse, Tao Te Chung
"All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power" - Ashleigh Brilliant
"A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted"
"However paranoid you are, you're probably right."
"Get out the meatballs mother. We've come to a fork in the road"
"Everybody's somebody's orang-utang, correct me if I'm wrong" - Johnny G.
"I think. Therefore I think I am" - Zippy the Pinhead
"Who's conducting the proms tonight? Haitink it's Haitink." - My Dad
"I'm not prejudiced - I hate everyone"
"Equality is a myth - women are better"
"Would the last person to leave the country please switch out the lights."
"If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand, we'd be so simple we couldn't."
"Power corrupts - absolute power is even more fun"
"Forget the notes and play the music"
"The truth is flexible, white hot, but it soon becomes brittle if tempered with cold bullshit" - Robert Williams
"Nature is too slow" - Tom Parker
"Let's have some new clichés." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Words are but metaphors for our thoughts."
"Move on yea forbidden warriors of forgotten endings and lost beginnings" - Me (Don't ask and I wasn't drunk)
"The next war will be fought with atomic bombs, and the one after that will be fought with spears."
"Love is a metaphysical gravity." - R. Buckminster Fuller
"No time like the present." - Mary De La Riviere Manley
"I'm going to turn on the light, and we'll be two people in a room looking at each other and wondering why on earth we were afraid of the dark." - Gale Wilhelm
"He ain't heavy, he's my monkey."
"Pick a card, any card. Keep it. I've got 51 others..." - Groucho Marx
"Understanding is the key to all possibilities"
"Gun control is using both hands."
"Time is an invention of man to measure the space between two events"
"There's a pleasure sure in being mad, which none but madmen know."
"I don't have problems, I have money"
"And so it begins. Here."
"If you notice this notice, you'll notice that this notice is not worth noticing." - Thomas Alexander
"It's amazing what you can do with an E in A level Art, a twisted imagination and a chainsaw" - Damien Hirst on winning the Turner Prize
"Fact is always stranger than fiction"
"There are 3 stages to power - Getting it. Keeping it. Using it. "
The list is long, and getting longer...Return to the main quotes page